It’s a new year, and with the entire world in constant turmoil, every which way you turn, it’s been hard to justify writing these blog posts with little notes on acting and Hollywood. It’s hard to think long and hard about the discussions I have in the audition room, when so much of our conversation and lives are dictated by the consistent and constant fiery shitstorm that is the news. The world is much bigger than our little showbiz community, and focusing on it for even a moment seems selfish and trite. And it doesn’t help that even within our little community, every step we take is like walking around during an earthquake – you have no idea if the ground is going to fall out beneath you, at any moment. That producer, that you just started working with, who seems intelligent and creative and wonderful – might be convicted of sexual harassment or assault and welp, that project’s a dud. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to work on it anymore.
My point is, it’s hard, right now. To know where to focus, and then to feel good about that focus. I keep seeing recommendations to not ingest the news, to stay away from impassioned social media and avoid blazing arguments in 2018, all in the name of self care – but if I do that, I feel as though I’m ignoring the issues, and I also don’t want to feel blank when I get the opportunity for a positive, open discussion about the world. But if I stay up to date, I’m frustrated, all the time. Frustrated by the answers I don’t have, frustrated by the slightness of my ability to inspire change, and sometimes frustrated by the people around me, for not caring. For wanting to enjoy their lives, the audacity. And then I take a step back, and wonder if they’ve made the right choice, enjoying their lives – and then once I start adopting that mindset, I feel like I’m not utilizing my voice to stand up for every fellow human who doesn’t have my same privileges, and then I’m back to frustrated and unable to focus. You get the idea – it’s a vicious circle.
Since a fresh new year is an opportunity to examine one’s own patterns, and look for room to change, I’m looking to stop the circular thinking, and instead try to step into the middle of it, somehow. Like standing in the center of a merry-go-round – I’ll still be turning with the circle, but I won’t feel like I’m about to fly off at any moment. I can’t stay up to date on everything in the world, that’s going to be impossible. But. I know what kind of positive world I want to live in. Figuring out how to get there will be a continual journey, but for me – I feel best when I’m helping people in a tangible way. This blog – with every comment, and every email I get reaching out to say you read my words and that they found a home within you – that touches my heart and makes me believe that the positive world I believe in, is possible.
Everywhere I turn, someone is breaking a rule. Some of those people deserve to be punished for breaking those rules, but some of the other rules – I wasn’t even aware we’d agreed were rules. In the social media sphere, I can’t see how anyone can even begin to dip their toe in before someone is pissing someone else off. And then I see people left and right, viciously punishing one another for I don’t even know what, anymore, I’m terrified there are rules I’m not aware of yet, that I will unknowingly break and cause harm to another.
Therefore – I’m making new rules. Like I said, I know the kind of world I want to live in. I’m going to start living by those rules, and see how it works out around me. I’ll make missteps, I’m sure, and hopefully as they happen I’ll listen to those around me, and adjust my course. But for the sake of this blog – I’m keeping my focus narrow, and despite the nature of this particular post, it’s going to stay about those little notes, on acting and Hollywood. The real world may rear its ugly head and poke its nose into my words, but only insofar as it relates to the topic. The narrowness of focus is an experiment for me – I trust you’ll help me out when you see me veering the wrong way. I want a world grounded in common sense, that practices ruthless positivity and ruthless inclusion, and hopefully my words will reflect that.
Happy new year!
Photo by Ray Hennessy on Unsplash